My leg, etc.

Apparently I wrote a metaphor so poorly that it’s been consistently mis-read as fact. There’s nothing wrong with either of my legs. I can bend them backwards and forwards like everyone else.

I’m dissatisfied with fanfiction. I don’t have any issues with the fanfictionistas. I just don’t have anything in common with any of them (I have no interest in Robsten, et al, I don’t have nor want children, I don’t like kitty porn and don’t have a secret wish that my husband would dominate me in bed) and all the fic I read seems like the same old shit…even the really fucked up stories. It’s boring.

But that’s not why I’m leaving. I’m leaving because I’d rather be a crap writer banging out my own shit for free, than a crap writer who has to thank and give credit to SM for free. That disclaimer is not fun to write. Also, I don’t need nor do I want constant ego boosting feedback. At first I liked getting reviews and comments, but most of it is useless fangirling, and it’s creepy and weird to me. It’s fine if you’re into it, but it’s just not my kink.

Lastly, thank you (all two or so of you) who’ve subscribed to this blog. It’s very kind of you to show your support.

7 thoughts on “My leg, etc.

  1. Yo, Jenji. So I was wondering what was going on with you…

    All I’d like to say is that I respect your reasons, and I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. Fanfiction is not meant for life, and I am glad you are moving on. Not for me, mind you, cos I always feel sad when I lose a “voice”, but for you, because it means you are ready to embrace your own creativity 100%

    I enjoyed reading your words immensely, but to be honest what will stay with me for a long time was the encouragement you have given me with my own writing. Your thoughtful, constructive, intelligent reviews of my early chapters were both empowering and enlightening: you pointed out a lot of the shit i was doing wrong, which was priceless, and you also shared with me what resonated with you, which was genuine. You let me know when you left– when my story stopped doing it for you; that showed respect, and I really appreciated it.

    So… farewell my darling. It’s been fun.

    I will read IT to the end, and then maybe, perhaps, one day, I will read your stories somewhere else, without knowing it was you. I hope so, at any rate.

    <3

  2. I am sad to see IT go but I can’t help but read this and give a mental fist pump.IT was probably one of the most original stories I’ve read in a long time. I’m not a fangirl, I rarely comment on anything but I wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your story. If you ever finish it I hope you share.

    1. @BellaFlan

      Disappointment really sucks. I hear you.

      I don’t know if I’d characterize your reviews as fangirly, or not. It seems as though you’ve decided to take an ambiguous comment as something about you, personally. I really don’t know what to say to that.

      Thanks for your kind comments and reviews, even if you regret them, I do not.

      Best Wishes,

      Jenjiveg

  3. Jen, it’s honestly been a year since I wrote this comment, so I had to read the post again and try to remember exactly what I was feeling. I believe in being culpable for your words. Take a look at your post again:

    “I’m dissatisfied with fanfiction. I don’t have any issues with the fanfictionistas. I just don’t have anything in common with any of them (I have no interest in Robsten, et al, I don’t have nor want children, I don’t like kitty porn and don’t have a secret wish that my husband would dominate me in bed) and all the fic I read seems like the same old shit…even the really fucked up stories. It’s boring.”

    I’ve interpreted this as a vast contradiction. It reads like, “I don’t have any problem with you except for ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS I HAVE WITH YOU!” You took made several generalizations about the women (and men) in this fandom and lumped us into a group that obsesses over a Rob/Kristen (I don’t), has children (I do), has a secret need to be dominated (not even a little bit), is into something you refer as “kitty porn” (dude, I have NO fucking idea what that even is, but it sounds illegal).

    If you’re reading the same old stories, you’re either not digging deep enough or you have no interest in reading fanfiction. That’s cool. Leave. Don’t shit on the authors on your way out. Or go ahead and shit on us, but don’t act bewildered as to why I’d take offense.

    Here’s what you wrote that was a slap in the face: “Also, I don’t need nor do I want constant ego boosting feedback. At first I liked getting reviews and comments, but most of it is useless fangirling, and it’s creepy and weird to me.”

    Here’s how I interpreted this at the time. “You reviewed me. You took the time you tell me how much you enjoyed my writing. OMG YOUR’E SO CREEPY AND WEIRD FOR DOING THAT!”

    If that’s not what you’d intended to say, mea culpa. But that’s how I read it.

    And finally, here’s what doesn’t jive with me in your reply: ” It seems as though you’ve decided to take an ambiguous comment as something about you, personally. I really don’t know what to say to that.”

    If you made a vast generalization about Jewish people, I’d take offense to that, too, even though it’s not about me personally. I self-identify as a fic reader/writer. I also reviewed you and pimped you. When you write an open letter to the fandom, I’m going to personally identify with it as a member of said fandom.

    Okay, gotta go Google “kitty porn” now.

    Good luck! I’ll keep reading IT because, honestly, I love it, but I won’t leave any fangirly reviews. I wouldn’t want to creep you out.

    1. Hey, BellaFlan,

      Thanks for your response.

      Although “issues with” and “nothing in common with” are different things, my tone must have suggested to you that they were one in the same. Should I have qualified my statements with words like “some” and “few” rather than “any” and “all”? Yes. And I’ll cop to that. I used language that was stronger than appropriate for the situation.

      I’m also not sure how to respond to the anti-Semite bit. I can see what you were getting at, that generalizing about a group of people is not cool, and I agree. (see above re: “cop to that”). Then again, maybe you meant it as hyperbole. I hope so, because suggesting that the level of offensiveness of generalizations about people who enjoy fanfiction is on par with speech made about a legally protected minority subjected to the horrors of genocide, is quite a leap.

      “Kitty porn” is cute pictures (often captioned memes) of cats. I googled it myself, and was appalled that the term is also used by the adult porn industry. Interestingly, I’ve changed my opinion of cute cat pictures. I quite enjoy them, now.

      I’ve also changed my opinion of “fangirly” reviews. Sometimes a behavior causes a person to be uncomfortable because they misunderstand it. There were several reviewers who engaged me in a way that we were able to have a productive conversation about it. I empathized with what they said, and I realized that I made a mistake. I can say that there were very few reviews that seemed creepy to me, but it was enough that I was uncomfortable…until I took some time and thought about it. I don’t feel that way any more.

      Thanks for the luck and I’m glad that your offense wasn’t enough to keep you from finishing the story.
      Take Care.

      Jenjiveg

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